Absence
T.S.J. Harling
A man walks past a sign amidst the spread of the coronavirus disease (COVID-19), in London, Britain, January 24, 2022. REUTERS/Hannah McKay/File Photo
On public transport I have become unbalanced, disoriented. The trains seem to tip dangerously, and I am consistently unsteady on my feet.
Arriving at work to find nobody there. We are all hybrid workers now. The office is open, yet empty. No bitching over coffee. No arguments about staggered lunchtimes. No more 4p.m. cake with the team. All this was replaced with more screen time.
When I come across someone I know, our faces are shielded under masks, as we try to determine if there is a smile underneath. These meetings are awkward, and we don’t know whether to bump elbows or hug or do nothing at all.
A friend of mine got through lockdown by believing that one day this would be over, and what a day that would be. The opening of the doors, the impromptu festival that would occur on the streets!
That was a party that never came.
The clock stopped on March 13th 2020 for me, when I was sent home like a naughty child. I keep waiting to restart, feeling time unspooling like tape cut loose from its casing. I’m stuck in a bad dream, backwards and forwards, safe not safe, waiting, caught.
London streets lonelier than ever. In lockdown everything was closed, but we had the promise of reopening. Instead, the clothes in the shops are drab and thin, and the takeaway coffees taste cheap and burnt.
My hair, once as thick as my fist when tied up, now is half as much. No amount of product or blow-dries can do anything with it.
The Friday nights after work have gone, everyone scurrying home like scared mice. And what is the city, but Friday nights?
A collective bad trip
When are we going to come down
T.S.J. Harling’s fiction and non-fiction has been published in numerous online journals including Square Wheel Press, Olit, Queen Mob's Tea House and XRAY. . Based in south east London, England, Harling is currently studying for a Critical & Creative Writing PhD at the Royal Holloway, University of London, on the 'New Woman' in Dracula. Harling’s print chapbook, Tower Block Ghost Story, is out with Nightjar Press now.