Comfort

Melissa Calderon-Rougié

my mind wanders

I’m sitting next to a whirring air conditioner
in the comfort of my apartment
cooling off another nyc heatwave

I’m on a couch that is arguably
the most expensive piece of furniture
I own - the aesthetic balances the
trepidation with which I hold
my cold glass of water, avoiding a spill 

my mind wanders

in the darkness my fears blend
into the shadows, I carry worry upon anxiety,
an inheritance from my overburdened parents 

I worry about the morning and
how I never manage to sleep enough
to deal with my kids and shouldn’t a mother
have enough strength to bare it all? 

I worry about whether I’m spending
sufficient time with my husband
in between my stacks of books and
handwritten rough drafts he assures
me is enough, but what does he know
about being a starving artist and housewife? 

I worry about what to write about
next and whether it’ll be any good
and will anyone ever read it? and
who am I to dare to try as a daughter
of immigrants, as a woman who speaks
in whispers but writes as if a boombox 

my mind wanders

staring at the soft-blue glow
of my five hundred dollar
portable air conditioner
comfort always comes with a price tag

Melissa Calderon-Rougié is a Peruvian-American writer living in Queens, NY with her two children and husband. Her work has been published in several anthologies and is forthcoming in DREICH Mag and Harness Magazine. She hopes her words resonates with others. Find her on Twitter & Instagram @mcrwrites .