Absence

Jordan Starck

Photo Credit: Howie Ray

There was once, for me, a warm and welcoming beauty in the space of absence. There was once beauty in the abyss, in stillness. Silence left my pulse and my breath the reigning rhythms of daylight and tide.  The all-consuming expanse that awaited us in absolute darkness wrapped me in a gentle embrace abated by even the tiniest of lights.  I used to feel so solidarized and unified and vast in these times. Now when I close my eyes in the absolute darkness there’s contagion waiting for me, reminding me of those times when I fell out the world before. For the thinnest of threads, then, I could recover some sense of continuity.  Now, older, memories wash out from my graying hair more easily, and I ponder what worlds will be lost this time when I open my eyes. 

Jordan Starck is a Ph.D. student living in Philadelphia, PA. Scholar, (expecting) Father, Citizen.